Air it Out
by Sandshrew777
Summary: Ryan is angry. Really, really angry - and Troy can't figure out why. But he's determined to figure it out. Rated only for strong language and crude humor. An all-dialogue one-shot.


**Author's Note: Welcome to a new narrative style for me. I think Hemingway did this once - and a lot better than me. Something about elephants; beats me. Anyway, enjoy. (And again, the rating is only for the strong language.)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own High School Musical. If I did, I wouldn't have time for fanfiction.**

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"Get the hell out of my way, Bolton!"

"Not until you tell me what's going on."

"Bolton, I'm warning you..."

"Ryan, come on, cool off, man - "

"I will NOT cool off! You fuck over my sister and you want me to cool the FUCK off? Fuck you, Bolton!"

"What the - Ryan, that wasn't me!"

"Right, and I'm the fucking tooth fairy."

"Actually, now that you mention it..."

"Finish that sentence and you're a permanent soprano."

"Right. Sorry. Look, Ryan, that wasn't me. You've got to believe me."

"Why in hell would I believe a self-absorbed prick like you?"

"...Because I've got good hair?"

"Oh, fuck this."

"Ryan, wait! Okay, so now's not the best time to lighten the mood."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"I deserved that."

"And a whole hell of a lot more."

"No - Ryan, Sharpay was upset because...she didn't get a hundred percent on her physics paper."

"Oh, really?"

"Uh, yeah. And she told me and she was crying and I tried to help her and she just, you know, _Sharpayed_ and, uh..."

"I see."

"So...we're cool now?"

"No. First of all, Sharpay took physics last year. Second, Sharpay doesn't give a shit about her grades unless they're below an 85. Third, you're an asshole."

"Ryan - "

"So unless you care to explain that cock-and-bull piece of shit you tried to just feed me, I'm going to kick your sorry ass into next week."

"You're gonna wha - never mind. Look, I'm sorry. But Sharpay doesn't want you to know what she's upset about."

"How convenient."

"I swear, Ryan, I'm really not lying this time."

"This is me completely believing you."

"All right, fine. What can I do to get you to believe me?"

"How about running around the school naked singing, 'Man, I Feel Like a Woman'?"

"...Would that work?"

"No. But it'd be damn funny."

"AAAAAAUUGH! FUCKING HELL, EVANS! I...I give up. Come on. Let's go, you and me, right here, right now. I'm ready."

"You're...you'd rather...oh...oh, fuck. You are telling the truth, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit, SHIT!"

"Dude - calm down. It's alright. I wouldn't have believed me either. I mean, I know you and I haven't exactly - "

"What is it?"

"...What?"

"The thing Sharpay doesn't want me to know about."

"I - I can't tell you."

"Damn it, Bolton, she's my sister. My fucking TWIN sister. If something's wrong with her, I should know."

"And it's killing you that you don't. I understand."

"No, you don't! You don't understand, Troy, you just...don't."

"Then explain it to me."

"I can't!"

"Try."

"I...it's like...it's like...oh, fuck, you're going to think this is weird."

"Ryan, it's you. I think I've gotten used to weird crap by now."

"Right. Well. Having a twin is like having a dick."

"Um..."

"Just bear with me, all right? Having a twin is like having a dick. You know what it looks like all the time, you know every little inch of it from every angle. You can feel them when they get excited or when they're down. And you get really, really proud of them when they make a rock solid stand on something."

"Uh...okay..."

"But you don't realize that they change - over time. So slowly that you can barely see it until one day you get out the ruler and all of a sudden you're eight inches."

"Dude! More than I needed to know."

"Oh. Right, sorry. Got carried away."

"Completely understandable."

"Right. Well, Shar's like that. You know she's there. You know every inch of her. You know exactly what she's going to do, every time. And she's the most important part of you: the part that decides whether or not you leave something behind for people to remember you by."

"Kids, right?"

"Metaphorically."

"...Damn."

"It's a bit much, I know."

"No, it's not that. I was just surprised you knew a five-syllable word."

"Go jack off, Bolton."

"With my twin? I don't think so."

"With...I...damnit, Bolton!"

"'Bout time you laughed."

"Yeah...yeah, it...was."

"So why don't you tell me the real reason why you went all psycho on me?"

"The real...I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't give me that crap. I'm an idiot, but I'm not stupid."

"...I'm just going to forget you ever said that because you're a nice guy."

"Thanks."

"And you have good hair."

"Thanks again. Now stop changing the subject."

"Damn."

"Well?"

"...My parents are getting a divorce."

"A...divorce. Shit."

"Yeah, that's what I said."

"No, I mean, that's what Sharpay didn't want me to tell you."

"What?"

"She saw the divorce papers this morning on your dad's desk. She...didn't want to worry you about it, and she needed to talk to somebody, and boom, there I was."

"I can't believe this."

"Look, I don't like her or anything - "

"I figured out something before Sharpay did."

"But she just came up and - wait, what?"

"Yeah. I eavesdropped on one of Mom's phone calls to her lawyer. She goes on shopping sprees with her sometimes. Last time they got this really cute pair of Bermuda shorts - "

"Ryan, focus."

"Sorry. I just can't believe I got this before Shar did."

"Well...uh, this, um, doesn't exactly seem like something to be too happy about."

"Oh, I'm not. Neither is she - she doesn't break down in front of people. Only me, and she hates doing that. So welcome to the Sharpay Crying Club. Lifetime membership, but the upkeep's a bitch."

"I'm not even going near that one."

"Smart move. And you said you were an idiot."

"I was trying to make a point."

"Yeah, and fucked it up."

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"As long as it's not 'What's your natural hair color?', sure."

"Why don't you swear more often?"

"Oh. Um, well, it's kind of complicated. It's like...like..."

"Let's just stop it there and say I'm a part of the Ryan Cursing Club?"

"That'll work."

"You know, the guys wouldn't mind if you did it."

"Swore?"

"Yeah. I mean, if it's something you do naturally, go ahead. We don't mind."

"Well, I don't, really. That's the thing. I, uh, only do it when I get really mad."

"And apparently that only happens when Sharpay's involved."

"...Damn, Bolton, when the hell'd you get so perceptive?"

"You know how they say people rub off on each other?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Gabriella can sink a three-pointer without grannying it now and I can do this. I think it's a good trade."

"I didn't say it was bad. Just different."

"Yeah. Different. You know, that's all things are going to be now."

"Sorry?"

"With you and your parents. I mean, you won't be one big happy family anymore, and that'll suck, but think about it like this - if Sharpay ticks you off, you can just go to your Mom's house."

"Well, Mom's got the house - she's kicking Dad out. And if Sharpay ticks me off, I generally just hide the ice cream on her until she apologizes."

"Nice."

"Yeah, but hiding twenty-six gallons of ice cream every time gets a little tiring."

"Heh."

"...Troy?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"Not pounding the shit out of me when I said I was gonna kick your ass."

"It was nothing."

"And for being nice to Sharpay."

"She's not too bad when she's crying. Well, uh, you know what I mean."

"And the whole divorce thing."

"No problem. You know, I had almost the exact same talk with Chad."

"Really?"

"Yeah, except when he threatened to kick my ass I actually took him seriously."

"Fuck you, Troy."

"Please don't, I want to be a virgin on my wedding day."

"Ugh. That was so sweet I think it just gave me a cavity."

"Whatever. You know you're doing the same thing."

"Well I'm not going to advertise it like the fucking Jonas Brothers or something. I'd actually like to get looked at by girls once in a while, you know."

"Those guys get checked out like mad, you know that."

"Good point. Maybe I will start wearing one of those rings, then."

"Glad to help you make that major decision in your life. Free period's about to end - you wanna actually get some homework done or something?"

"Please. The last thing I need right now is calculus."

"D'you at least want to go back so we can get our books before the bell rings?"

"Good point. Let's go."

"Remember, I told you nothing."

"And as far as you know I've always been a blond."

"As long as we're square."

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**Author's Note: Please review!**


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